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Remember When Karl Lagerfeld Was Fat?

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Yup, for those of you who didn't know, K-Lag was a fabulous fatty himself. Frankly, I think he looked a lot happier when he was plump... I mean, look at that smile! I'm going to assume Karl Lagerfeld was way less bitchy during his rounder days because he probably spent most of his time eating yummy nom-noms in Paris, like everyday. That, and  it was before he sold his soul a la Dorian Gray.

Lagerfeld even said it himself: "I have no human feelings." As far as his diet goes, in his documentary, Karl Lagerfeld Is Never Happy Anyway, he revealed an important tidbit of info: "I am a sort of vampire, taking the blood of other people." Yup, no soul.

Actually, Karl lost the 90 lbs in a year because he kinda starved himself, by alledgedly consuming ONLY Diet Coke during that period of time. As a result, he's now able to fit into tiny, tight, testiculuscious designer jeans, which inspired the release of the book below.

Of course this post calls for some great Karl quotes:

"If there's something dangerous, sauces are dangerous for the body." >>> So evidently he doesn't do ranch.

"Some people would like me to be round again." >>> Yes, for a month though. During December. Jolly Karl Lager-Claus.

"Some people say to me you're too skinny, but never a skinny person says that to me, only people who could lose a few pounds say that." >>> Shit. No need to be a skinny bitch now, Karl.

Karl, thanks for making life worth living but here's a tip: you could possibly get away with a lot, if you just gift everyone you think you'll eventually offend, a Chanel bag in-advance. Like, I'm down. Call me whatever you like you crazy son of a bitch, just give me the goods.

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