If you're over the age of 23 you're not having some sort of weird case of delusional, nostalgic, Summertime Sadness. Nope- you're not just seeing things because, um, everybody is in fact rocking our shit from the 90s, in real life.
I was at the mall (so 90s right?) the other day and spotted one girl wearing jelly sandals and the other with highwaisted jorts and Keds. All I kept thinking is "Am I in The Babysitters Club TV show or what?"
I was watching these girls (in a non-creepy way) and started thinking about my youth and how these girls could possibly be some sort of sci-fi portal back into a simpler time. That of course all ended when they proceeded to take about 10 selfies and argue over Instagram filters.
I don't know if it's because I'm in my mid-twenties now and bitter about getting older but, I'm kind of possessive over the 90s. When I saw those girls chatting inside H&M, all I thought was, "Shut the fuck up, whatever you're saying is not important because it has nothing to do with Britney's new video for Sometimes, and relax because I wore your outfit before you were both born." No joke, have you heard the birthdates on some of these kids? 1998? Really? How are you not a toddler? Do you even know what a Contempo or Limited Too is?
NOW can you tell I'm at the peak of a quarter-life crisis?
I began to wonder about women who came a decade or two before me and whether or not I offend them. I'm in a 60s-70s-inspired rut because I kind of love the era and just realized skinny jeans don't really look all that great on people who aren't exactly Kate Moss skinny. I was wearing flares, a fringe bag, and a kimono cardi when my mom said she basically had the same outfit as me once. She wasn't bitter about it; I'm assuming it's because I'm her daughter and she's happy that I'm "trying to be like her" for once. "Finally, you learned how to dress!" is probably what she was thinking in a heavy Spanish accent.
Unlike my mother, I'm bitter. We should be the ones to bring back short-alls, daisys and the yellow happy-face motif, because that's our shit. But, of course we can't bring that stuff back because we're too old now and that would look weird as fuck. Like, just imagine going out for drinks in full-on 90s garb.
Someone help me because if I see tattoo chokers, ying-yang necklaces, Lisa Frank backpacks or Spice Girl shoes, I'm going to pop off.
70s-80s kids, do we annoy you when we rip off your style today? I'm sure the answer is "no" and that's because I'm already acting like an insane, old bitch. Maybe these kids just "love the era" too? Who am I to hate?
Are the 90s the new 80s? We used to watch John Hughes films religiously despite being from a different generation and now teens today are quoting Clueless. They're obsessed with Michael Jordan but have never watched a game in real time. 90s kids wore leggings, leg-warmers (why on earth did they sell those at Abercrombie in 2005?) as well as cut-off tees, and we owned them like they were our own to begin with.
Obviously, this is just a thing that happens as time goes on. Every generational trend gets regurgitated. Ex-Flappers probably turn in their graves every time we try to emulate their style because we happen to like Gatsby and Boardwalk Empire right now. We think we're savvy about sixties-modern because we watch Mad Men today- guilty. With that said, I give greasers props, you guy are scary committed.
We should be flattered that people want to dress like we did in the 90s right? I think it's throwing us off because we were pretty certain our trends would never resurface. I mean, they were pretty bad right?
80s babies/90s kids, do any of you kind of get what I'm going through? If not, please leave the phone number of a specialist practicing in the greater LA area below.
90s babies- please don't be offended. We're obviously just jealous of you guys.
*I am now aware that this is a totally hysterical rant. Please do not judge me. I'm almost ashamed but too lazy to go back and edit. I also don't give a shit about punctuation or grammar, I know I should, but I don't right now. I will just continue to blame the LA public school system for my shortcomings.